Make it your main mission to discover your sense of self, boundaries, goals, and expectations
Learn the art of differentiation (where the Self and another person’s emotions/needs/actions end and begin) and discernment)
Become comfortable stating your needs (with confidence and empathy) and don’t be afraid to walk away if it’s clear the other person cannot meet these needs. It says everything about their character and desires, nothing about the validity of your expectations or self-worth
Learn how to not take others’ words and actions personally. Most of the time, when someone has a lengthy and critical remark, it’s all projection and says more about their insecurities than your character or life decisions
Hi I just recently discovered your blog and I’m in love with it and you. So I’m in college and I’ve been having a hard time concentrating and getting motivated and also making friends, I’m starting to feel like maybe this isn’t for me but I also don’t know what else to do.
College can be a difficult and lonely space, for sure. Know that you’re not the only one who feels lost, directionless, alone, or like you’re one of the few students who spend almost all their time alone. It’s a super common experience (I probably spent 90% of my time in college either in class, working, studying, or alone too!).
Knowing whether college is for you takes so many factors into account. First, it depends if you’re going into debt for the experience. If so, I think at least considering taking a leave of absence is not something to overlook if you’re feeling super indecisive on your future dime.
Your desired career goals also matter. If you want to be a doctor, lawyer, investment banker, etc. You need the degree even if it feels like a waste of time (in undergrad, that is). If you’re seeking to pursue a creative or digital career (writing, graphic design, coding, social media, etc.), college is not always the right place for you to begin your career.
Take courses you’re interested in and that you believe offer practical knowledge in your desired career field or allow you to gain a marketable skill (coding, data analysis, persuasive writing, financial literacy, etc.)
Some more resources are linked in these posts. Feel free to schedule some time to chat if you need one-one guidance. My calendar is linked here: https://calendly.com/femmefatalevibe.
Thank you so much for you answers and your effort 💕
In you last post about How To Live In Your Dark Feminine Energy, you talked about how we should "practice self-care" by finding books, music, and movies...
Hi I am 24 and I try to wear sunscreen everyday, but I have a question if I don’t wear sunscreen everyday will it still damage my skin or make me look older?
Hi love! It’s great that you’re getting into the habit of wearing sunscreen every day. Super important. The answer is relative to how often you forgo wearing sunscreen (especially in direct sunlight/outdoors during daylight hours). The more often you go out sans sunscreen, the increased damage that can occur. So, while you’re a lot better off wearing sunscreen 70-80% of the time rather than almost never applying it, every unprotected exposure provides some risk to your skin health (and therefore its collagen production levels/elasticity/potential free radical damage). Like any risk, it’s a numbers game. And this is one you don’t want to pay (at least regularly). Please wear sunscreen xx
Hi! I saw a post abput about setting boundaries with friends, but what about with family? My parents have admitted to not liking boundaries, though they claim to believe them necessary (but clearly they don’t because they get angry when I try to set them).
Hi love! Family is tricky because it’s so much easier to feel the need to please them/they can more easily manipulate you because they know your triggers and personality fairly well. I think the way in which you set (and how strong) your boundaries with your family depends on your age, living/financial situation, and desire for a close relationship (or any relationship at all for that matter).
If you’re under 18 and still live under your parents’ roof, you can start with communicating how you expect to be spoken to or topics that are off the table for you to discuss (like dating, socializing, interests/activities, etc. – not anything health-related or something that could ruin your chance at getting an education). Also, you can communicate if you don’t want to hug/speak to a certain person/pursue a certain academic path or extracurricular activity. Let them know how you’ll disengage if they cross your boundary (walk away, go silent, not smile for the crowd, etc.).
If you’re an adult and financially independent, set whatever boundaries you would like and have no regrets. Your life is for you. You didn’t ask to be here, so while you should always live with respect and consideration for others, you have every right to cut someone out or keep them at arm’s length if they cannot reciprocate these basics of a healthy relationship or interaction with another person.
So I’ve been dating this guy for 2.5 years now on and off bc it’s just complicated. Anyways, I live on my own and it’s not been the easiest, I only went to college for a year and am learning skills to help me land a more permanent career. My financial situation is temporarily not constant. I feel like I do so much of the spending and pushing for us to actually go out on dates and do things. I don’t mind it bc I’m not the type to hold onto things and also hold it over someone’s head that I’ve taken on the load but it’s getting rlly exhausting. How can you get a guy to just know to at least spend money on you, and go half on the groceries at least or take over a bill or pitch in? I feel like he thinks just spending time with me is enough and I wish that’s how the world works but it doesn’t and I’m especially insecure now bc I’m on my own and don’t want to rely on my family. I can temporarily only afford to pay for myself, but every time I did have the extra money I would happily spend it. I don’t know why it’s so hard for some people to get the common sense to pay for themselves or pitch in for things if time is being shared. I just want fairness…
Hi love! I’m really sorry you’re going through this. I hate to have to be so blunt, but he’s a user (and a loser quite honestly). From what you’re describing, he doesn’t value you (and that’s a reflection of his own self-esteem – not you!) enough for you to waste your time, energy, or money on him any longer. Invest in yourself. While every woman has the right to decide whether she wants to split financial costs (if you feel more comfortable with going 50/50 financially instead of expecting a man to pay for more or all of your meals, activities, etc. that’s totally fine if it works for you), there’s no excuse for someone to feel entitled (especially a man in our current society/dating world) to your always paying their share. Drop him and invest your time in yourself. Date around if you desire. Find someone worthy of your time and energy. While a great man does not necessarily need to be a provider, I’ve found that all secure men want to assume this role because they’re attuned to their masculine side, not as a means of control.
So, I started out writing for my college’s fashion publication and Collegefashionista right before my freshmen year of college (unpaid, of course). After a few PR and editorial internships through my late high school/early college years, I finally heard back from a major outlet that they were seeking freelance fashion writers. I was super excited because of the big name and audience.
I started writing for this publication and got a lot of views on my articles, so I got a lot of emails from publicists/brands and found my way into the world of press previews (seeing new collections a season ahead), meeting with designers/brand VPs, and attending events like Fashion Week. Writing for this outlet gave me the confidence to start pitching stories to several other outlets over the rest of my college career. Some worked out favorably, some didn’t, but it’s been a very rewarding and great learning experience.
Around my last year of college, I started to also dabble in the blog/copywriting space (where most of my work is now) and found the pace/general lifestyle of this line of work to me more appealing than freelance journalism as my main hustle (I still love doing some work in this field on the side, though!).
Fast forward to post-grad, I started working on a bunch of different types of projects – from editorial assignments and journalism day shifts to copywriting, content writing, content strategy, and fashion styling & creative direction.
Over the past year or so, I’ve found ways to streamline my freelance writing business by understanding that, at the end of the day, it’s a business and it’s MY business. Aka my business, my rules (within reason of course – every contract & terms of a project should be mutually beneficial). So, now, I mainly work with different brands & entrepreneurs in the fashion & beauty space to work on all different types of editorial and content/marketing strategy, copywriting and editing, creative direction, consulting, styling, etc. Essentially, I’m a 360-copy and content strategy agency of one. Understanding that I’m a business, not an employee, and have work that demonstrates to other business owners that I’m an expert in my field has been the biggest game-changer for me.
If you have any specific questions on pitching/how to get your foot in the door, please feel free to schedule a time to chat! I know freelance writing is a tough industry to break into and sustain, so I’m glad to offer any advice that I can. Link to my calendar is here: https://calendly.com/femmefatalevibe/30min?back=1&month=2022-11.
I have never fallen in love before (do not remember ever telling someone that I love them, apart from my friends) and the power was always on my side. Recently, I met this person - he is extremely detached, self-contained, and really emotionally stable & intense (no gfs, no parties, extreme focus on his goals). I have never felt anything like this before. I feel like I fell for him not because I want to sleep with him, but because I want to be like him. Which only reinforces my feeling. I wonder whether it is common to end up in similar situations if you share these types of values?
Hi love! I relate to this dynamic – it’s extremely common, in my experience at least, to be attracted to people with a genuine sense of self, goals, and values. Ambition, confidence, and no signs of desperation are highly attractive. You’re more likely to appear desirable when you’re slightly out of reach. Don’t play hard to get, be hard to get!
If I were in your headspace, I would lean into this thought and use this time in your life to discover what you really want. Embrace the power of influence that the people who we regularly spend time around have on us.
Also, I want to note how insightful and discerning you are for picking up on this dynamic - especially when there’s some sort of romantic attachment or expectation in your interactions.
